There's nothing more frightening than telling the truth about one's self to complete strangers, especially when you've got something to hide... when the whole world has made it a point to shame you for being who you are. But we'll revisit that later.
My story starts at birth, obviously. For the sake of brevity however, let's skip passed the early, angst-ridden teen years. Life wasn't easy, little girl went through a lot. Blah blah. Fast forward to age 22-ish or so, to the part where I became involved in music.
Sure, I was an artist since I can remember. By now I must've put 30+ self-taught years into art. But since I was a little tyke my eyes twinkled like diamonds at the idea of becoming a singer.
I found myself in a band called Faceless in the early 2000's and made it all the way to LA where the big wigs were finally listening. I thought my dreams were manifesting and in truth, they were. But as it turns out I became a mere statistic; the girl who would have to get involved with the producer as a means to an end. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that talent & hard work weren't going to be enough in these circumstances. Apparently I was expected to put out to get ahead too. I was unhappy about it to say the least.
Turns out, the path it takes to get "there" really is more important than the goal. Long story short, my dreams did not come true, my marriage to a good man was obliterated, and I came home to Seattle with my tail between my legs... shattered in every way a person can be emotionally ruined. I won't say I'm without blame though. I'm not.
Whatever the case, this was the most visceral time in my life by far. I lost everything. It hurt just to listen to music for years after. I thought music had ruined everything for me. Granted, that wasn't case but it took me some quality time with silence to stop blaming music for all the pain. The one good thing, and there's always a silver lining if you look hard enough, is the family & friends I managed to establish. From the practice room to every nook and cranny in the underground scene, I have an amazing network of people that I wouldn't trade for anything. Now if I write however, it's just for fun (you can hear & download some of my solo pop music by clicking through the menu above- it's free btw).
Anyway, next thing I know, I'm home, hollow, and desperately looking for purpose. I figured since I'd always specialized in the female form & portraiture I might capitalize on that by going to college for fashion design. Now I can say I've "been there done that" and have come to find it really wasn't for me but I stuck it out and received a degree with honors. So glad I paid $50,000 to learn how to hem my friend's pants and fix my mom's zippers. Eh, I get to design the occasional garment for myself too so it's not a total loss I guess. *big sigh/rolls eyes*
Oh yeah... remember when I was talking about being judged? Yeah I suppose I should squeeze that topic in right around here somewhere. The condensed version is that I ended up working in a strip club to support dream after dream. I've stopped caring what people think. It doesn't matter where any of us come from or what we did or did not start with. What matters is that we know we're worth the good that's coming next despite anyone's opinion on the subject. So if you'd like to judge me for my honesty, you can honestly kick rocks. I know me better than anyone and one thing I can say is that I'm an awesome person, obviously honest, and your opinion of me won't bend a branch on my tree. But just the same, go easy on me will ya? I've dealt with enough. Moving right along.
Through all the tribulations, the most golden of things happened to me while blossoming from introspection. "Only" 20 years later and I finally found myself. I found who I always was before all the dreaming, before all the blows that hit me. I found my way! I discovered what it meant to be an artist again. And I'll tell you what it means to me. Once upon a time I had diamonds in my eyes over a dream where I could only see the destination. But the path it took to get there was miserable, at least for me. Once I found art again, I realized something. The path it takes to create, to paint, to draw... it's beautiful. I feel free and I get lost in it. The destination is never-ending and it doesn't look a specific way. I'm open to whichever way it wants to turn, whichever branch that wants to grow in whatever direction. Plainly put, this is who I've always been all along.
​
I appreciate any support you can give. Without you I'm nothing more than someone creating for the wind. I mean don't get me wrong I'm a good person and I enjoy my own company but without you I am the sum of many poor choices and the hand I was dealt. Frankly though, there's always someone who had it worse and despite my story, I'm not one to complain. So instead of looking back let's look forward together.
Today I live my life from a very positive point of view and I believe like attracts like. I believe regardless of my history I will attract the right people and circumstances to make magic happen. And that's what I'm here to offer you... magic. You tell me what you want and I'll care enough to listen. Allow me to be your artist. It would be my absolute pleasure.
​
Thank you for taking the time to read the condensed version of my story. You may also find prints and products of completed works to purchase here.